I’ll never forget the first group of guys I deployed with.  We were a unique team; talented in the jet and in our “ground job”, we also had personality to spare–which made squadron life fun.  We were the future of Marine Attack Aviation and each one of us had a desire to continue honing our skills for future deployments.  But something unforeseen began to hamper those plans.  Of the eight first-tour guys I deployed with, only two of us remain on active duty.  Why?  Ultimately it was because there was a clash in values.  Not values in the sense of dedication to the profession, nor a desire to move up the proverbial ladder.  Not even professionalism as an attack pilot.  It was a difference in our value of time.

As young guys, we were repeatedly told that we needed to balance our time in the squadron with that of our family.  However, as soon as one of us made a family centered decision such as leaving early to pick a child up from day care, see a soccer game, or spend a weekend at home as opposed to going on a weekend training flight, we would be viewed with suspicion.  We felt our loyalty to the organization questioned.  Maybe it was.

Over time, this kind of culture created distrust and animosity within the squadron.  Being the last one to leave the squadron became a competition – the last one to leave was the winner and had the distinction of being able to say, “Man, I was here until 20:00 last night, did you see what time so and so left?!  I wish I had his kind of hours.”  And so, as distrust in the organization developed, resentment set in and the only logical choice for six of my peers was to leave the Marine Corps.  This is not the way it has to be.

Creating and sustaining trust in the workplace is essential to the success of an organization.  According to the Harvard Business Review “it is critical for managers to reinforce their trustworthiness.”  There are a number of ways leaders earn the trust of those on their team; leaders can do things such as make a connection, encourage rather than command, as well as be transparent and truthful.  While these things are good, perhaps the best thing a leader can do is actually personally model what he or she says is important and defines success.

Of course everyone hates hypocrisy and one of the fundamental lessons learned by all leaders is to be willing to do anything you ask your team to do.  In many cases, leaders tend to do pretty well at this.  They put in long hours, defend their interests, and speak from the experience of having been there and done that.

What’s interesting though is that many leaders espouse an ethic of ensuring that the self-care of those on their team is important, or that each team member should take the time needed to meet personal or family obligations.  The disconnect and distrust that follows stems from a leader who espouses these values but doesn’t actually follow them herself.

Leading yourself is hard.  It’s one thing to talk about ideas such as integrating your work with your family, not making your vocation the all consuming centerpiece of your life, and ensuring your self-care is on point.  It is another thing to actually make those ideas your reality.

This is clearly a problem, and here’s why.  When we as leaders say that we want the folks on our team to do things such as leave the office at a reasonable hour, but don’t do it ourselves, it creates fear and distrust.  When I tell the team that I expect them to leave the office at 5:00 pm, but continue to sit at my desk until well after 6:00 pm, I begin to create an unspoken perception that “this is what the boss really expects.”  This unspoken perception then begins to build distrust and fear.  That distrust and fear then increases cortisol levels in each person of the team, activating their fight or flight response, and thus taking away any ability to be creative and productive. In short, by not modeling what I say, I have decreased the productivity and efficiency of my team by a large percentage.

Unfortunately, perception is often reality.  If I create the perception that I actually prize working late or always putting my vocation before personal needs, that perception will quickly become a reality to the members of my team.  As a consequence, that perception will create distrust in me by my team – it will be clear to them that I don’t really mean what I say.

As leaders, we need to take opportunities to create a reality that matches our values.  So, as you start this new week, take a moment to critically analyze the areas where your actions may not match your values – and then, once you have those areas identified, make it a point to bring your actions more in line with the values you talk about with your team.  And then, watch the trust of your team grow!