I am unabashedly a people pleaser, I like to classify myself as one in recovery, but I am a people pleaser nonetheless.  Accordingly, I have a hard time telling people no – even when it goes against my better judgment.  I often use my saying “yes” to other people or events as a way to justify myself and make myself “valuable” to other people.  Of course, saying yes for the above reasons is wrong, but it has taken me many years to get to the point where I can begin to say no and not feel guilty for hours afterwards.  I found that in order to get to my “no”, I had to figure out what my “yes” was.  As I worked through deciphering what my “yes” was, I found there were three principles which helped me get to my “yes”.  These principles are purpose, priorities, and passion.

• Purpose:  When asked to do something, whether as an individual or an organization, we must ask ourselves whether what we are asked to do fits into our job description.  Obviously, as an individual or an organization, we provide a service because we are competent at that particular service.  Once we move beyond the particular service we are good at we run the risk of not doing good work; thus the importance of saying no.
• Priorities:  What are your priorities?  Spend some time thinking about what your priorities are, what you want to say “yes” to.  Once you have defined your priorities, it is much easier to say “no” when an opportunity or perceived requirement is presented to you.
• Passion:  Am I passionate about what I am being asked to do?  When I am asked to do something, there should be a feeling in my heart that says “yes, I want to do that!”  Even if that something is hard.  If I don’t feel passionate about a request, I know it is time to consider saying “no”.

The ability to say no is hard and can often take years of practice.  I am still in the toddler phase.  But with the establishment of healthy boundaries comes healthy people and organizations.  For more (highly developed) thoughts on the power of no, I highly recommend William Ury’s The Power of a Positive No.